The Gospel of Lucas
Now at that time there arose in the Ninth Ward a prophet, named Lucas, who called himself The Apostle. He proclaimed that the Lord had spoken to him, telling him, “I bring you news of great joy. Today in the town of Baton Rouge there are thousands of taxpayer-funded vouchers available for you to enroll children in your shabby little school. Go forth and obtain your share, for they will lead you to the land of milk and honey.”
Lucas did as the Lord commanded him, and the Lord made smooth his path to obtain 80 vouchers from Piyush and John, though Lucas had requested more than twice that number. But Lucas saw that it was good. And prophetable.
And he went away into the swamp to pray, and to ponder how much 80 vouchers times $4,555 per student in taxpayer-funded tuition would bring him.